Characters
Lee Donghae, Im Yoona
She was always described as the most beautiful flower. Her smile, her laughter, he swore it was the reason why he loved her. He heard it before he saw her, and when he heard that melodious laugh of hers, he would always be entranced. She was a star that he couldn't reach, a dream he couldn't fulfil. Still, he tried his best everyday for her. Despite the fact that he could never allow himself to initiate any kind of contact, he did do something every year to pour a bit of his heart for her. March 14 marked the day of White Day. Valentine's is when women clamoured for the attention of men, White Day is the day men fawn over their beloved women. That is when he allows himself to get lost in the crowd and show her his heart... even thought he never signed his gifts. He knew that she received thousands upon thousands of gifts from adoring men from across the country, being the young heart throb who also captured hearts through modelling and drama. Every year he could give her a present, a black box befitting the size of his gift, tied with a pure white ribbon. At midday, when men crowded around her the most, he was careful to slip it into her pile of presents and hurry away. He didn't get any joy from his gift-giving, but he did savour the relief that washed over him.
Every time she smiled in thank you to any man, it was like a knife to his aching heart. The longing to be the one who's at the receiving end of her enchanting smile, it was a need greater than anything he has known. But he knew his place in this world; he was a fish who loved a doe.
It was on the day of their graduation that he realised it would be the last time he would ever see her. His heart twisted and turned, and he tried his best to reassure himself that he was fine. She didn't know who he was, therefore she wouldn't miss him. But you will miss her, whispered a sorrowful voice in the back of his head. And when you hear of the marriage she will surely have in her later days, the pain will be unbearable. He knew this fact but he refused to act against it. He deemed himself unworthy for such a treasure; Im Yoona, the brightest star, the center of his universe. There was no way he'd let himself love her. Besides, she had many admirers already. Why should he bother her with another?
When he saw her emerge in her graduation uniform, he felt the world around him still. It was only he and his Doe; in his mind, she belonged to him. He allowed himself that one fantasy. Where she loved him, his awkward gait and quiet nature, the flaw others saw she treasured. And when she smiled, he knew in his heart that it was only for him. And then she looked his way, his fantasies shattered. He quickly looked at the floor and shuffled towards the seating area, keeping his gaze to the floor as he felt her sit next to him. As the school's tradition, they had randomly paired up the graduating class. For all his miserable luck and bad timing, he happened to be there just as the teacher looked up. Picking Yoona first, then scanning the room, her gaze landed on him. He knew his teacher's thoughts; this beautiful young lady cannot be outshone by anyone anyway, but just to be sure... I shall pick the most unmemorable of faces. Lee Donghae shall work perfectly. And he was called forward, much to the annoyance of all men in the room. But Donghae still remembered the dance practice, where he got to hold her close and smell the feminine scent of her soft skin. Her satin-like hair that would caress his face when she twirled. He had danced with her, and he shall do so again for the last time. He heard his class get called up, and he felt her shift beside him. He is the man, so he must take charge. But he cannot bring himself to talk (as he always couldn't, whenever he'd try), so he merely lifted his left hand and took her soft ones in his.
He felt blood rush around his body, and he concentrated on keeping his hold firm. Today he won't tremble. He may not be able to talk, but he promise himself he won't disappoint her. This is the only and last chance he was ever going to be close to her, so he would savour it as much as he can. He straightened himself as he walked forwards, matching her steps with his. And when they stepped onto the podium, Yoona naturally taking center stage, his gaze lifted slightly. She was looking at him, her eyes creased and her lips stretched into the most beautiful smile he has ever known. And he knew that he couldn't lie to himself; no matter how much it hurt, his heart will continue to beat only for her. And so they danced, the light shining upon them and following every twirl and subtle caress. The now familiar scent of her skin was branded into his memory, and the way she moved with flawless grace. All too soon, the music ended. He bowed low to the crowd, his right hand held up with hers intertwined. Then, regrettably, he slowly retracted his hand from hers. He avoided her gaze when he bowed to her, but couldn't stop himself from meeting his eyes as he straightened himself. The clusters of people all crowding around them provided a secluded spot, just for the two of them.
He saw the disappointment in her eyes, a sadness he could not identify with. He supposed this was what heartbreak was; the feeling of utter disgust with oneself at the knowledge that you have failed the one you love. And she stared at him with ancitipation, and he didn't quite know what to say. He has spent years in love with her, yet he has not uttered a single word towards her. He collected any courage he has and took a deep breath, "Yoona-ssi," he began. "I'm sorry... I... know I've failed you." He hesitated, not quite knowing what to say. Then he noticed the class around him starting to leave the stage just as soon as the principal sent them back to their seats. He then took a quick bow and that was that. He found his seat, this time the class being arranged into alphabetical order. He was seated the furthest away from her, just as always. He was used to this; the hollow feeling of emptiness at the prospect of a future totally void of her... it tore him inside. It was his own fault, he reasoned with himself, for not grabbing every chance he has to make her truly his. Not in his fantasies but in flesh and blood, where her touch was warm and his love was reciprocated. But he was so inferior compared to her; he didn't want to let her down. If he was seen in public with her, people would talk. Their tongues would be covered in acid, their words would slice and it would break Yoona's heart.
So he broke his instead.
After the ceremony, he roamed the corridors the next day. They were to come in and collect their belongings. He chose the very late hours, so that it was at exactly one o'clock that he composed his message. He had written it on black card and folded it with a white ribbon tucked inside. All the years of restraining himself had suddenly burst forth and taken the form of words, words that he hadn't been able to utter flowed from his heart onto the paper. And when he finished loading his belongings into his car, he went back to the place where he first fell in love with her. The very first day of high school, where people were excited to impress and make a lasting impression. And then there was her, who stood outside her locker with many people already stopping to stare at her beauty. His locker was exactly 27 lockers away from hers, and when she looked across to inspect her surroundings, her eyes found his. He stood transfixed as she smiled cheerfully at him, then closed her locker and walked away. He was only 13 at the time, but he knew where his heart belonged. And this is where it would be buried, he had decided. He approached her locker and opened it, learning the combination from a close friend of hers who had a fortunately loud mouth. Along with the words he had never been able to speak, and the feelings he would never be able to preach, he left it in her locker. When he shut the door and sighed, he would soon learn that Fate always had a way to fulfil desires.
"Lee Donghae."
It was her voice. He had wished over and over again that she would say his full name. He finally knew what it sounded like on her lips. He turned and through his thick glasses and unruly hair he saw her radiance. He swallowed hard and waited for her next words. When she raised a hand and brought it against his cheek in the most brutal slap, he felt almost... deserving. He deserved it. He had managed to upset Yoona without even knowing how. He turned his head from the force of her slap, peeking at her with his head still hung low. Tears swam in her beautiful eyes. "How dare you leave me without saying goodbye? I know of your plans to move abroad, your parents told me! They also told me that you're going to break off our engagement!"
He didn't know what to say. It wasn't because he was always speechless with her, but because he didn't know what she meant by her words. He supposed she was just friendly and everyone had the common courtesy to say goodbye. Except him. It was always him. She sighed loudly, staring up at the ceiling. "Why don't you ever talk to me?!" she yelled at the ceiling. He would've found this amusing in most circumstances. Except he noticed that her hair had been tied up, which revealed an elegant neck. And her ebony hair contrasted with the whiteness of the ribbon.
His ribbon.
His hand came forwards to touch the silky material. It was the same ribbon he had wrapped all his presents in. Yoona stood motionless as he prepared his question, "Why are you wearing this?"
"Why don't you ever sign your gifts? It would've been easier to tell me, and I didn't have to have a hard time finding it out."
He frowned. He was always careful not to let his identity become known. How had she...? "How did you know it was me?"
She looked up at him, her eyes impossibly large and skin so temptingly soft. He tried desperately to restrain himself, but he wanted to claim all this his. Being the selfish bastard that he was, he wanted her for himself. And then she started talking, "I had a hunch. But I never expected it to be right. The school had a fire in the building, and many lockers were destroyed. Including yours. Thankfully, the fire was extinguished before it could do anymore damage. But I was helping out clear the damages when I found this." She tugged slightly on the ribbon in her hair. She smiled at him. "I knew the locker was yours, and this ribbon was iniside it. It didn't take much for me to put two and two together."
He was speechless. So he merely stood before her, ancitipating her next words. "You didn't smile back when I did in freshman year. Why didn't you? I always get a smile back whenever I offered it, and it struck me odd when you just stard back and then looked away. Why don't you smile at me? Why don't you ever talk to me? Why have you done so many things that are just-" she gasped when she realised she had started crying. He was very much alarmed, as the sight of her breaking down into tears made his mind panic. "Why can't you make things easier for me by telling me you loved me?!"
"I can't," he said automatically, his hands growing numb. He was aware that she was still crying, but the realisation that she had known all along had been a shock to him. He didn't know what to do.
"Why not?!" she demanded, looking up and searching his eyes for an answer.
He stumbled for an answer. "I... I... I'm just not..."
"What?"
"I'm not-"
"What aren't you?!"
"I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"
Silence.
Donghae looked at her, wide-eyes at his sudden outburst. She was the daughter of the most respected politician, and on top of that, she was also the darling of Korea. He was the son of the president, but when he was told that their parents had planned their marriage since they were born... he just felt so... inferior to her. He would fail her, he was certain. He wasn't the charismatic man his father was, or the carefree spirit his mother was. "I wanted you to love me, not because you were duty-bound. It would kill me if I knew you were only doing this because you feel that you have no other choice." He was an awkward, quiet man with a speech that failed him whenever she was around. And on their first meeting, he hadn't been able to utter a word his father wanted him to. So he had looked away in shame when she smiled at him in school. And he had looked away ever since. But now she was cupping his cheeks with her hands, forcing him to look at her. He stared into her eyes and was reminded of why he fell for her; she saw the good in everyone. And now she was certain of his worth. "You're so kind Donghae," she whispered. "I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you. While your parents were busy, you took care of your sister. She was sick at the time and you kept going back upstairs to care for her. I know because I followed you up once. Do you remember?"
He did remember. Sunny had been three years old, and was the treasured daughter of the Lee family. As her oppa, it was his duty to care for her at all times. It had been the same day that he had met her, and he was glad for the excuse of checking on Sunny to get away from his failure. He felt much better when he held his sister's hand and read her a bed time story, the one with the elves and a princess called Snow White. He then went back downstairs to see the rest of the party through, but failed when he realised that he worried too much about Sunny. So he went upstairs a few more times until the guests started to leave. He looked at her, and was amazed at how she still remembered that.
"That was the day I knew I found someone that I could love. And now you're breaking my heart because you don't want me anymore!" she said, releasing him and stepping back, angry tears flooding her eyes. Her back hit the wall and she slid down it, her hands covering her beatiful doe eyes. He felt like such an ass and stepped forwards to offer comfort. He was still unfamiliar with how he should treat her, so he kneeled in front of her and leaned in, his hands planting themselves on either side of her feet. He leaned in a bit more before he placed his lips tentatively against her smooth forehead, then withdrew sharply when he thought about his actions. He swallowed. "Why don't we start again?" Was it okay to do that? Does she mind? Will she be more upset? His eyes flew to hers when she raised her head. His racing heart beat was all he could hear, and she reached out a hand to take his glasses from his face. He kept still when she brushed his hair out of his face and was able to properly see him for the first time in years. She smiled, her lips quivering and tears starting to form again. "Hello Donghae."
He smiled, finally allowing himself to show his heart. He'll spend forever loving this woman, and he will make sure that she knows just how much he loves her. "Hello Yoona." And he leaned ever closer to her, his lips resting lightly against hers in a warm first kiss.
This was the day the fish first took its gasp of air, and the doe tasted its first gulp of water.
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